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For Wendy Newman, going on 121 first dates wasn’t a simple dare. It was her reality. She went through hardships, pain, and just a lot of really bad dates before she met the man of her dreams, and she’s set out to help other women that are struggling go through dating with grace. Now, the process can be easier.
This week, Wendy and I are talking about how to build lasting love, an element of life that we all strive for and yearn to achieve.
Wendy’s first tip for building lasting love is fostering a relationship in which you’re not adversaries. Love isn’t always perfect-it has its ups and downs, its rough patches, and everything isn’t always the fairytale that you might picture it to be. But when you create an open, inviting, and comforting space for both yourself and your man, you’ll be able to create a stronger connection that’s based on love and friendship, not on getting the other person into trouble or berating each other. No matter what, recognize that you’re both in it together, and that you have to keep working at the relationship in order for it to succeed.
When it comes on how to build lasting love, nothing beats connecting with each other more through honest and open communication. Wendy recommends that you take the time out each month to sit down with your man and ask each other a set of questions that you feel are the most important to you and your relationship. Ask each other about what he’s not getting from you in the relationship. Ask each other about what you’ve made up about the relationship in the past month, and also what you love about each other in that moment. You’ll be able to see your man in a new light each month when you ask him these questions, and you’ll be able to identify the problems that may be rising in your relationship and eliminate them earlier through talking them out.
Wendy’s final tip on how to build lasting love is to have autonomy. What? Aren’t you supposed to be building a partnership with someone else? You are, but in order to create a truly happy, healthy relationship, you need to be happy in yourself first. Don’t think that you need to have the exact same friend group, live together, and also do everything together to be happy. Don’t think of relationship as melting into each other to become one. Be your own person, and love yourself and your life first before you bring another person into the mix of love and care. Have your own thing going on! It keeps both of your interesting and exciting to each other, and you’ll be able to sustain that freshness in the relationship that will ultimately help you to last longer and be happier.
What do you think about Wendy’s tips on how to build lasting love? Let us know in the comments below!
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Suzanne Oshima, Matchmaker & Dating Coach at Dream Bachelor & Bachelorette & the Founder of Single in Stilettos ()
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